So, I met this guy his name was Jackie. He was an amazing, beautiful human being that I’ve ever laid my eyes on. He has a soul like no other. A beautiful soul that could never be damned. I love him so very much and he came into my life as I was getting it back on track. He was basically the cherry on top to finish up my whole life and clear away the past. I never knew I could fall for someone so quickly and trust them beyond doubt with my entire life. I didn’t even look for him because my whole getting back my life was focused mainly on that and law enforcement which completely saved me. I am fighting for that goal still but had more help with Jackie. I thought the only way out of my past was to burry myself into my goal and work harder than ever and I didn’t believe there was anything ever again to make me happy besides Law Enforcement. However, Jackie changed that. He made me see the full lightening at the end of the tunnel. I could never thank him enough for saving like he did. My whole life when he stepped in turned completely upside down in just a mere couple months. I was actually happy again. When I cried I had him to make it better, my nightmares even subsided, and when I wanted to feel alive I just had to look into his eyes and I was home. I finally had a place I belonged and felt important to. He was beyond amazing to me and I know I took advantage of it. This will truly be the hardest goodbye and the worst. I know I didn’t deserve him or everything he brought but it was great to get to have that before my death. I will be forever thankful and I only hope he has a wonderful, beautiful life. He deserves it so much.
So, I have graduated with my associates on Friday the 11th. I am beyond happy and proud of my ownself & how much has changed just over the past couple weeks! I even graduated with all A’s and a B in math. I did that math class all by myself too. Anyway, I’m off to another college for my Bachlors then hopefully I can have my police career! I’m beyond excited!
I can officially say I am truly and completely happy with the way my life is going. Even with the bad stuff going on such as my job and classes. I am beyond happy. I will overcome the bad because of the knowledge, heart and everything else I have gained will help me see the light through the dark. If only I remember and believe in that, nothing can stop me. Also I am completely and madly in love with Jackie Rhea. He and I will be married in the near futureI just know it!
So i’m back from my trip from D.C. It was pretty interesting to go with our Law Enforcement group but I am glad to be home. Anyways I had fun but I missed good o’le Bristol. There is never no place like home.
So, I guess I want to just ignore everything and finally move on. I mean Josh is kind of right but then again why is he being so uncaring about it all? It acts like oh well stuff happens move on but that kind of attitude towards a true hardcore victim could devistate them… I mean it would completely destroy them if they were not as strong as others. Either way I just wish I never told him because now I can’t choose who to listen to. I even kind of get that vibe from Michael sometimes but he seems to push it away from me to make sure I know that he does care and that it is serious. I guess it is a guy thing but that really sucks you know? Knowing some don’t really care and that should because of the job field they chose. Well, nevermind look at Robert he flips me out wanting to kill everyone all the time but yet he wants to be a cop? Crazy world let me tell you….
The New Me.
Yesterday was a great day, the day before was weird but really entertaining. My dreams are presisting and yet I can live normal? I’m actually having a lot of fun. I only want to see Michael next week not due to the fact I have any problems but just to have someone check in on me and let me tell how great my life is going really. I mean I honestly believed that is all I needed in the first place is someone to finally pay attention to me here and there. At home I get no affection or any good jobs that it is hard to not burst out and cry for help so having Michael helps me fill that kind of affection I need. Also Mrs. Reed helps a lot with that as well. She gives me the hugs and such. It cracks me up everytime I see her and when we live each other’s presence she wants a hug. I always end up forgetting but in my life that isn’t normal to hug each other. Anyways, life couldn’t get any better now. I have learnt to keep trying for my dream and keep having fun with it because I just know it can all end soon very soon.
Today’s my birthday! :)
Okay so after all my craziness in the past two weeks, I have finally got the day off! Today will be beyond boring but I need it to rest up my self emotionally&physically before I go back to classes next week. I have gotten super better from all this mess anyways. I finally learn’t no matter what I survived & I am okay. I have over came the impossible 3 years ago and everyday I over come the hardest things in the world and still end up happy. I end up happy because when I look back on the stuff everything is the way I wanted it to turn out and I am okay with it. I know who I am finally and I none of it was my fault. I know that I am an okay person and that my family is messed up like ten million other families out there but I have friends who adore me and that is all I really need. I have found this out pretty late in life but atleast I found it out. And on top of all that, I don’t have long to live here on earth so why on earth would I cry about the small things in life when I should just go out and live? I don’t know why I do but it is my new year’s resolution to quit that as well. I am just going to live with no worries. No matter what happens in the end it all ends & it wasn’t as stressful as I make it in the first place.
Seeing this makes me feel alive :)